Ever write a song about someone, and they didn't realize it was about them?

[Nekujak]

I once had a friend who was a nice enough guy, but he could also be annoyingly judgmental, frequently ridiculing people for their flaws, and acting like he was always the smartest person in the room.

His behavior often irritated me and, over the years, caused several rifts between us. One particular time, when his actions were especially infuriating, I used it as fuel to write a rather pointed and biting song about him (music video below).

I never revealed to anyone who the song was about, and after it was recorded, found it somewhat surreal to observe him, and others who knew him, listen to the song, blissfully unaware of its true meaning. It felt like I had a personal secret that was hidden in plain sight.

Anyway, that was about 15 years ago. Not long after, I finally had enough of his insensitivity, and severed ties with him. But our tumultuous association did have one outstanding benefit: I got a song out of it! What more can a songwriter ask for?

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So has anyone had a similar experience - you wrote a song for or about someone, but they never realized it?

 

[Polkasound]

I never revealed to anyone who the song was about, and after it was recorded, found it somewhat surreal to observe him, and others who knew him, listen to the song, blissfully unaware of its true meaning.

It sounds to me like he was a narcissist, and one of the aspects of that disorder is that it inhibits self-reflection. His perception of himself and the people around him is warped because that warping is what allows him to function in the world. You can describe narcissism to a narcissist who exhibits every common behavioral pattern you just mentioned, and they'll think you're talking about anyone else but them.

 

[Nekujak]

It sounds to me like he was a narcissist, and one of the aspects of that disorder is that it inhibits self-reflection. His perception of himself and the people around him is warped because that warping is what allows him to function in the world. You can describe narcissism to a narcissist who exhibits every common behavioral pattern you just mentioned, and they'll think you're talking about anyone else but them.

That's an interesting take - I had never considered my ex-friend to be a narcissist. To me, he just exhibited a high degree of immaturity and lack of emotional intelligence. But perhaps those characteristics also fall under the umbrella of narcissist.

I actually don't think it's unusual that he and my other friends didn't deduce the song was about him. I don't think any of us would presume a song is about us unless the writer explicitly calls it out. Perhaps if my girlfriend or wife wrote a love song, my first impulse would be to assume it's written for/about me. But I don't think any of us want to believe a negative or critical song could possibly be about us.

I'm reminded of Carly Simon's "You're So Vain". After many years of public speculation, she eventually revealed that one of the verses was about Warren Beatty, but wouldn't divulge the names of others who inspired the remainder of the song. I wonder if Beatty and the others, whoever they may be, ever knew the song was about them

 

[Mike Greene]

I think Polkasound is onto something with the narcism thing. I'm often amazed with their cluelessness.

Then again, the lyric seems general enough (who amongst us doesn't tire of people judging us or giving unwanted advice) that I could see not thinking the song was specific about someone in particular.

Oh wait ... could that mean I'm the clueless narcissist here???

 

[DSmolken]

Narcissism inhibiting self-reflection? That goes totally against Greek mythology.

 

[HCMarkus]

I bet you think this song is about you.

 

[The Holographic Rodeo]

I think the lyrics keep things open enough that many can relate to knowing someone who brings up similar sentiments. I really love the melodic sections in this - like at 01:26 etc - super distinctive! Production and arrangement is great throughout.