Growing older... it happens to the best of us

[Nekujak]

About 20 years ago, I went back east to help pack up my wife’s parents home and facilitate their transition to an assisted living facility. The process of going through their all their stuff was like opening a giant time capsule filled with vestiges of their younger lives.

My father-in-law was a bit if a pack rat, so we found all sorts of "interesting" things, like several boxes filled with check stubs from every check he'd ever written dating back to the early 1950s! And of course, tons of old magazines, family photos, letters, books, old clothes, and numerous knick-knacks, keepsakes, and what-have-yous.

There was some hidden treasure to be found, as well. Buried under a pile of boxes on a shelf in the garage, was a small stack of newspapers from the day JFK was assassinated! If you've never leafed through a 50+ year-old newspaper, it's absolutely fascinating, and definitely confirms Gustave Flaubert's insightful quote: "People have always been like this."

We spent several days sifting through the artifacts of their lives and listening to their stories. I couldn’t help but be moved by the whole experience, and as I went to bed every night, my thoughts and impressions began to take the form of lyric ideas.

When we returned home, I started developing those ideas into full songs and eventually decided to make an album called "Looking Back" that explored various aspects of growing older and reflecting on life. Yes I know, not the most cheery or commercially viable topic, but it was something I was thinking a lot about and needed to get off my chest - so I did it mostly for me. Besides, left unchecked, my natural tendencies are to dive in and dig around in deep dark emotional dirt.

I also decided to make the album at home myself, which was a little scary, considering at that point in my musical journey, I didn't know much about engineering, mixing, or production, having always played and recorded with others in studios. As a result, the album took about 3 years to complete, mostly because I was learning as I went along, while also juggling a full time job and other activities. Plus, a couple of times during those 3 years, I completely scrapped and restarted the project because I was frustrated and unhappy with how it was turning out. I never did achieve 100% satisfaction, but at some point I simply needed to let the horse out of the barn and wish it well.

This is the song that started it all. Most of it came to me during those hot, humid, contemplative nights at my in-laws home in Maryland. What's a little unnerving, is now that I'm getting older, I’m gradually starting to see little bits of myself in this song. It's f**king terrifying...

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[Cyberic]

A lot of truths in that video Nekujak.

 

[Reid Rosefelt]

A great song, and one that I can really relate to. My wife and I spent a lot of time in an assisted living place during her mother's last years. We are still very close to the friends we made there.

And yeah, I can relate to it personally, too.

 

[HCMarkus]

Very cool tune, nicely done @Nekujak !

Those of us who are getting further along the path of life's journey and are looking at AI and where it is taking the creative arts might feel, as I do, that we've dodged the AI bullet. My clients still want to work with me, a living person, and will likely want to continue doing so until I hang up my spurs. As long as society doesn't collapse, my wife and I will probably be fine until the end of our days.

In this sense, the adjustment to aging is more a relief than a burden.

 

[Nitrateaudio]

Hi, I listened to your song and read your post. Very cool story and concept for a song and album idea. Aging is a normal part of life and death is also very much a part of the life process of every human.

I think I would like to expand on the quote you used, "People have always been like this." and tie it more to your lyrics. The older I get and the more I see my own kids grow up to become adults and I see myself and my wife in them and at moments I recognize the lost confused youth that I once was in them, I also accept the idea that that quote you used can be expanded and more personalized to "You have always been like this". Meaning, yes, you do age and get older, but you are the same person you have always been and you will never change much. You the person you are was formed as a toddler and you have existed as that person that you are and very little has changed or will change in you apart your physical exterior. You look older now, you are slower, you are weaker and you are aging and getting closer towards the end of your life.

A great experience and excersize is getting together with high school friends at a mini reunion and seeing and talking to people you haven't seen in 40 or 50 years and you go in there and just remember them as the high school kids they were and you now start talking to them and you realize this person is the same person that you remember them to be. The exact same look in the eyes, the same laugh, even the way they walk along a sidewalk or the way they sit down.. it's the exact same person 40 years removed. They just look like a 50+ year old.

Also to add a perspective about your song and lyric. The thing about it is its a song that can only be understood and maybe appreciated by a certain age demographic. A kid in his early 20s will not understand or comprehend what that song is about because he has yet to live another 30 years and see his parents get old and pass away before he can even begin to comprehend what the song is about. That's a bit of a problem in the art of songwriting where many are on a quest to write a song that is universal and will stand the test of time.

 

[Nekujak]

A lot of truths in that video Nekujak.

Sadly, yes. Although I fully accept aging as a natural part of life's process, it can still be a challenging and difficult journey for many. As Bette Davis is famously quoted, "Old age ain't no place for sissies."

A great song, and one that I can really relate to. My wife and I spent a lot of time in an assisted living place during her mother's last years. We are still very close to the friends we made there.

And yeah, I can relate to it personally, too.

Thanks for sharing, Reid. My father-in-law was actually happy to move to assisted living, since my mother-in-law was rapidly succumbing to dementia, and they were no longer able to care for each other. The transition was initially quite difficult for her, because she couldn't fully comprehend what was happening and why. But ultimately, they were both happy in their new situation.

In this sense, the adjustment to aging is more a relief than a burden.

I'm guessing every generation witnesses oncoming changes and developments that they're happy to have avoided. But it's probably even more true nowadays, given how fast technology keeps advancing.

My grandparents experienced changes and advancements in their lifetimes, but those changes happened gradually and were less disruptive - such as the transition from B&W television to color, mono recordings to stereo, or rotary phones to push-button phones. Societal changes were probably more significant in their lives - the 1960s in particular, threw into question every value they grew up with.

By contrast, my own parents found it much more challenging to keep up with changes in technology. My mom got as far as embracing email, but my dad never was able to grasp the concept. And smartphones, texting, Uber, AI, etc. are way beyond their comfort zone. My mom is still alive, and I see her experience incredible frustration dealing with businesses and services that expect customers to have smartphones and certain apps. It can be incredibly daunting.

 

[Nekujak]

you do age and get older, but you are the same person you have always been and you will never change much. You the person you are was formed as a toddler and you have existed as that person that you are and very little has changed or will change in you apart your physical exterior.

Definitely. In the last 10 years of his life, my dad would always tell me that he still felt like the same young kid inside, but his aging body presented a different image to the world and of course, limited what he could physically do. I think that aspect of aging was very difficult for him to reconcile.

The older I get and the more I see my own kids grow up to become adults and I see myself and my wife in them and at moments I recognize the lost confused youth that I once was in them

Even though we are the same person throughout our lives, the experience of living life through many years and decades does alter our behavior and perception of the world. I suppose it's what some folks would refer to as wisdom.

Muhammad Ali perfectly encapsulated this notion in this quote: "The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life."

Also to add a perspective about your song and lyric. The thing about it is its a song that can only be understood and maybe appreciated by a certain age demographic. A kid in his early 20s will not understand or comprehend what that song is about

It's interesting you should mention this. I wrote the song, and the album, while I was in my 40s, and one of my closest friends, whom I've known since 5th grade, became quite upset with me because he couldn't understand why I was devoting so much energy to a project about aging. He thought I had basically given up on life and resigned myself to premature old age. With every song I wrote, he'd vehemently declare, "I don't feel this way, I still feel young," and couldn't comprehend where it was all coming from.

What he didn't understand is that one of our jobs as aritsts is to observe the world and report or comment on it. And part of that process often involves immersing oneself mentally and emotionally in the subject. So to be able to communicate effectively about old age, I needed to inhabit that space for a while... much to my friend's distress

 

[Louie]

I like how your song faces the universal problem succinctly. And it’s not talked about enough. I first lost my grandparents but that was gradual, then my parents in the last 5 years which was shocking, and this year, my sister. Only me and my two brothers are left of the immediate family. The only silver lining is I’ve lost my own personal fear of death as the perception of time speeds up with age. Not that instinctive primal fear, but learning to accept it mentally and emotionally. I still hope to go forth with another 30-40 years (so much still to experience, enjoy, and learn) but at least have gotten that lesson from life out of the way.

 

[Nitrateaudio]

My aunt is a big poet back in my old home country. She's not particularly famous in the world but is well known within the poetry community where all the poets interact and share their works and their love of poetry. All the poets from different parts of the country basically run their own little publishing companies and publish their own books and go to different parts of the country to attend conferences and share and exchange their works and books trying to keep the culture, history and literature of the people and the country alive with their poetry. a fascinating little cottage industry and community of creatives.

I am not a big poetry reader but I recall reading one of my aunts books a long time ago. one of the poems was about my grandparents and my aunts interactions and observations of them towards the last years of their lives. one poem was about my grandfather and my own father. My own father passed away first in the family way back in the 90s while my gradparents continued to live. My grandfather towards the end of his life wasn't mobile and wasn't able to walk anymore or see or hear, but he would still wake up every morning at 4am and sit in a chair in the dark and keep waiting at the door for my father to come home.

 

[HCMarkus]

I've written a lot of poetry over the years; like most here, I'm sure, I love writing both music and words. Following a trip to the Sierras with my (then) young family and my parents, I was inspired to pen a story/poem about a hike we took up the McGee Creek Trail. I'm happy I was able to share it with my dad years before he passed, and to know he found it moving. I read it at his memorial service.

If anyone cares to, it can be found here: https://rbohemia.com/fathers-footsteps

McGee Creek to Horsetail Creek

• Seasonal road closure: Roads within and around Inyo National Forest are subject to seasonal closure during the winter months. For more information, please visit https://www.fs.usda.gov/alerts/inyo/alerts-notices This trail is especially popular during the fall when the foliage is peaking...

www.alltrails.com

 

[Reid Rosefelt]

The thing about it is its a song that can only be understood and maybe appreciated by a certain age demographic. A kid in his early 20s will not understand or comprehend what that song is about because he has yet to live another 30 years and see his parents get old and pass away before he can even begin to comprehend what the song is about. That's a bit of a problem in the art of songwriting where many are on a quest to write a song that is universal and will stand the test of time.

I'm not sure about that. This song speaks to issues that everybody will face someday, therefore IMHO it is timeless. Also, don't most people have grandparents? I was around my elderly relatives when I was a small child.

I didn't know what it was like to be old when I first heard "September Song" in my teens, but it still moved me a lot. It made me think.

But it's a long, long while from May to December
And the days grow short when you reach September
And I have lost one tooth and i walk a little lame
And I haven't got time for waiting game

And the days turn to gold as they grow few
September, November
And these few golden days I'd spend with you
These golden days I'd spend with you

 

[Nekujak]

I've written a lot of poetry over the years; like most here, I'm sure, I love writing both music and words. Following a trip to the Sierras with my (then) young family and my parents, I was inspired to pen a story/poem about a hike we took up the McGee Creek Trail. I'm happy I was able to share it with my dad years before he passed, and to know he found it moving. I read it at his memorial service.

If anyone cares to, it can be found here: https://rbohemia.com/fathers-footsteps

McGee Creek to Horsetail Creek

• Seasonal road closure: Roads within and around Inyo National Forest are subject to seasonal closure during the winter months. For more information, please visit https://www.fs.usda.gov/alerts/inyo/alerts-notices This trail is especially popular during the fall when the foliage is peaking...

www.alltrails.com

Beautiful poem - thank you for sharing.

 

[Nekujak]

I'm not sure about that. This song speaks to issues that everybody will face someday, therefore IMHO it is timeless. Also, don't most people have grandparents? I was around my elderly relatives when I was a small child.

I didn't know what it was like to be old when I first heard "September Song" in my teens, but it still moved me a lot. It made me think.

But it's a long, long while from May to December
And the days grow short when you reach September
And I have lost one tooth and i walk a little lame
And I haven't got time for waiting game

And the days turn to gold as they grow few
September, November
And these few golden days I'd spend with you
These golden days I'd spend with you

I think I've mentioned this before in another thread, but I thought it's worth bringing up again since it relates to this topic...

My favorite Sinatra album is "September of my Years", that includes "September Song" plus many other beautiful songs about growing older and reflecting on younger days. I first heard it in my 30s, and was instantly captivated by its whistful and melancholy mood.

For me, it's the perfect album for listening quietly in a dimly lit room with a glass of wine, scotch, or whatever your preferred beverage may be.

The opening song, "All I Ask" by Gordon Jenkins, who was also the arranger on the album, sets the tone:

As I approach the prime of my life​

I find I have the time of my life​

Learning to enjoy at my leisure​

All the simple pleasures​

And so I happily concede​

That this is all I ask​

This is all I need​

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Beautiful girls, walk a little slower when you walk by me​

Lingering sunsets, stay a little longer with the lonely sea​

Children everywhere, when you shoot at bad men, shoot at me​

Take me to that strange enchanted land grownups seldom understand​

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Wandering rainbows, leave a bit of color for my heart to own​

Stars in the sky, make my wish come true before the night has flown​

And let the music play as long as there's a song to sing​

And I will stay younger than spring​

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